By Melissa A. Bullard, Ph.D.
I’ve heard it said that growing older is inevitable, but growing up is optional. As we age, we enjoy the gifts of increased knowledge, skills, and wisdom that come from life experience. If we are fortunate, we also maintain the spirit of playfulness that comes so naturally to children. Does being “grown up” have to mean always being responsible and serious, or can we strike a healthy balance between honoring our commitments while also fully enjoying our lives? Here in Northern Michigan, we are surrounded by plentiful opportunities for recreation in stunning natural settings. Yet we can easily get caught up in day to day tasks without giving adequate attention to the energizing and essential activity of play. When is the last time you did something “just for fun,” or for the sheer joy of it? If you feel burned out, worn out, or too tired out, perhaps it is time to change direction and learn to be a “Kid at Heart.” To be a Kid at Heart, you’ll need to practice being in the present moment, simplify to the bare essentials, and enjoy what you really love!
Practice being in the present
As adults, we can easily become preoccupied with the future. That is, instead of fully experiencing what is going on right now, we get stuck in our minds thinking about what we’ll do, or what will happen in the future. A striking example of living in the future (rather than living in this moment) was shared to me by my uncle, who while taking in a breath-taking view at a National Park, heard another tourist say, “I can’t wait to get home and see the pictures of this!”
Each day, we make dozens of choices about where we focus our mental attention. Adults, who have so much to attend to, often need reminders to “stop and smell the roses”. On the other hand, kids quite naturally pay attention to whatever catches their attention, from moment to moment. Where is your mind throughout the day as you go to work, exercise, cook a meal, watch television, or talk to friends and family? Do you ever find your body doing one thing while your mind is somewhere entirely different? While it is helpful to use our brains to accomplish necessary tasks and plan thoughtfully for the future, it is also important to allow our minds to rest in the here and now.
For a Kid at Heart, this moment (what is occurring right now) is more important than what has already happened, or what may happen later. Simply observing children at play can be a wonderful way to witness how to live in the present moment! Another simple way to improve your connection to the present is to regularly check in with yourself and ask, “What is on my mind right now?” The more we stop to notice the content of our thoughts, the more we gain control over “automatic” activity like fretting about the future. Learning a formal meditation practice where you spend periods of time giving focused attention to your breath, to your bodily sensations, or to a mantra can be a great way to train yourself to appreciate the present moment.
Simplify to the bare necessities
For some over-extended adults, finding room for play amidst an already cramped schedule can seem impossible. If this sounds like you, then it is even more important for you to become a Kid at Heart! To be a Kid at Heart, you’ll need to crawl out from under the gigantic to-do list you’ve created in your life. Perhaps today is the day you plan to pick up some groceries, finish that report for work, fold the pile of clean laundry, and schedule that dental appointment. A Kid at Heart always schedules in opportunities for play. In the book, The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People, Dr. David Niven contrasts the ease in which children prioritize play with the reticence of adults who say they don’t have time for fun; he asks readers if they can imagine a child who is invited to the zoo turning down the offer saying, “I’ll have to get back to you- I’m really swamped right now.” Just the thought is ridiculous!
A Kid at Heart makes space for spontaneity and play. If your to-do list feels stressful to you, get honest with yourself about what activities are truly essential, and which activities are optional. Allow play to rise up on your priority list!
Do what you love
I love to ask adults to do the following exercise: Spend 5 minutes brainstorming about the most enjoyable and fun activities that you’ve ever done, and jot each activity down creating a long list. Then, next to each activity, write down the most recent time you actually did that activity. What do you notice about your list? Often, adults who participate in this exercise recognize how infrequently they take time out for the activities that bring so much joy.
More often than not, the persons who complain the most of stress are the same folks who insist that they don’t have time for fun because there are “more important things to do”. Certainly, we need to pay the bills, do our work, and follow through with the responsibilities we commit to. Yet constant use of our brains and bodies to be “productive” without having playful experiences brings us out of balance.
To be a Kid at Heart, sort out what you most like, and what is most enjoyable to you. Each individual will have his or her own idea of what kind of play is the most rewarding. Consider your personality and your preferences when identifying what kinds of play is a good fit for you. If you love being physically active, your play might include things like doing an individual or group athletic activity, dancing, or learning a sport. Artistic persons might be more drawn to taking photographs, creating artwork, writing for fun, or listening to music. Individuals who are highly social might gravitate most to activities involving people (parties, entertaining, going out on the town with a group of friends). Nature lovers may find the greatest enjoyment being out of doors in nature hiking, camping, or being around animals. Persons who excel at logical and analytical tasks may prefer to play with things like crosswords, puzzles, or board games for fun. One person’s play may be another person’s chore. The important aspect of being a Kid at Heart is to do what you love to do!
As the summer tourist season winds down in Northern Michigan and kids head back to school, consider how you can embrace being a Kid at Heart and make play a significant part of your routine. Whatever kind of play would make your day, create the space and opportunity for it to happen! Feeling more energized, joyful, lighthearted, happy, and carefree will be your reward. No matter what your chronological age, it’s never too late to be a Kid at Heart!
Guest blogger: Melissa A. Bullard, Ph.D.
Melissa A. Bullard, Ph.D, is a licensed psychologist who enjoys helping singles and couples enhance their relationships. She offers individual, couples, and group therapy. Contact Melissa at (231) 392-3611 or melissabullard@juno.com.
